Intimacy, when it fades.
When sex slows down, stops, or feels off in a long-term relationship, there is usually a reason. This is the LoveQuarters guide to figuring out what is happening.
Long-term couples often go through stretches where sex slows down or stops. It is common. It is usually fixable.
The first step is naming what is actually happening. Below are the patterns we cover.
Sources at the bottom of this page.
What we mean by intimacy
We mean the sexual side of a relationship: desire, frequency, and how connected you feel in bed.
When sexual intimacy fades, there is almost always a reason. Often medical, sometimes life-stage, sometimes a desire mismatch that was always there. The pages below cover the most common patterns.
Four common patterns
Most couples in a slow patch fit one of these.
One partner pulled back
One person has stopped wanting sex. The other still does. Dead bedroom covers this in detail.
Both faded together
Both partners slowly lost interest, neither said anything. Sexless marriage covers this.
Different libidos
Both want sex, just at very different frequencies. Mismatched libido covers it.
Life-stage cause
Postpartum, menopause, ED, low testosterone. Each has its own page on this site.
What we know from research
Couples who name the issue and try something do better than couples who wait. Talking about it is awkward but it is the move that creates options.
Where to start
Each of these has its own page on this site.