Sexless marriage: what helps.
Long stretches without sex are common in long marriages. The way back depends on whether both partners want it back.
The clinical line for a sexless marriage is no sex for a year. Plenty of marriages cross that line. Some come back. Some do not. The difference often comes down to whether both partners want to come back.
Sources at the bottom.
Two patterns under one label
One: both partners faded together and neither minds much. This pattern is stable for some couples (see celibate marriage).
Two: one partner is unhappy and wants sex back. The other is not interested or is unable. This is usually painful and is the one most people mean.
Four common roots
Most cases trace to one or more of these.
Drift
Both partners slowly stopped, life got busy, neither said anything.
Resentment
Long-running unresolved frustration shows up in the bedroom even when nothing else looks wrong.
Medical or life-stage
Postpartum, menopause, illness, surgery, medications. Real reasons. Postpartum, menopause.
What we know from research
Couples who explicitly name the gap and try something do better than couples who avoid it. The avoidance pattern is the most common cause of marriages staying stuck.
Where to start
These help most couples who are willing to engage.
Talk about it directly
Out loud, when you are both calm. Say the basics: how long it has been, how you feel.
Rule out medical causes
Both partners get a physical, hormone panel, medication review.
Bring back small physical closeness
Touch, holding, hugging. No expectation of sex.